It's My Party and I'll Cry if I Want To

Today is my birthday. I'm twenty years old. And yet I still feel so young. It's as if because I have some number attached to me I feel like my days are limited. Granted I'm barely a fourth of the way through my life (assuming I don't die of causes other than old age) and yet I already feel so old. Since last night when midnight struck I've had this cloud over my head raining on my parade. Shouldn't I be happy? And yet... I'm depressed. Another year means the closer I am to dying. The closer my daughter is to graduating and basically booting me from her life. Another year closer to my parents passing away. It's like, every year is a reminder of all the sad things that are to come.
I don't know, maybe it's just the fact that it's my birthday is bringing up all these thoughts and feelings. I feel shameful to say that I might have a phobia of getting older.

Wow, gotta call my grandma back so she can wish me happy birthday.

Most Proud Memory

Throughout high school I was what a lot of people would consider a "theater geek". I did the shows, the musicals, the technical stuff, and anything else you could think of. Although I never followed through with my acting, I knew it came naturally to me. My first moment of pride would have been my 8th grade year, when I was casted as the lead role for "The Million Pound Bank Note". A silly little performance about a British man who ends up with a million pounds. My role was the leading lady and his love interest. My second moment of pride came when I wrote the one act "A Rose By Any Other Name", a short, romantical play about a waitress on a cruise who meets the most annoying man of her life - who becomes her love interest.

But my most proud memory of my theatrical years was easily when I performed in the one act play "Bang Bang You're Dead". Though I didn't have a specific name, I still had a leading role. The play was about a high school shooting and how it lead up to it. In the play I portrayed several different people, but the most memorable being one of the girls who was killed. "Bang Bang You're Dead" was a beautifully written piece, and was later made into a movie many people have seen. It was a one act, however it was 50 minutes long, and to be qualified for the one act festival, it could only have 5 mistakes or fewer (we made it with 3). The rest of the one acts that qualified were simply 10-15 minutes long. We made Oak Park history with not only the length of our one act, but with our performance as well.

After we finished the one act festival I was talking with the director of our play. Her older sister was a very well known student around our school, even after she graduated her name still echoed the halls of Oak Park. Her and her sister were probably two of the best actresses to ever cross my high school's doors, and both of them agreed that out of every one act that performed, and out of the 6 people that performed in our one act, my performance was the best. My performance gave them butterflies.

I made that performance my last one ever. I wanted to end my acting and theater on the highest note possible, and that's exactly what I did. Never will I regret not acting anymore, because I know that then I had reached my high. No, I will never be a Broadway or Grammy winning actress, but I know that I did my best and fulfilled a dream that most will never even think about conquering. Mostly, I just want to so thanks to everyone who made my dream come true. It might sound small to you, but to me, it was a life changing experience I will never forget.

Birrffday

My birthday is in less than 3 days. I'm going to be in my twenties. I feel so old. However, I already know what I want for my birthday.

From my parents I'm hoping to get a TV for my bedroom. Currently I have a stupid ass like 12" TV. It's ridiculous. I'm hoping for a 32". That would be hott.

And from Brad I want a membership to TumbleCheer. That way I can get back into Tumbling. That would be sweet.

My dad and I signed up for classes the other day. I'll be taking a math class, Speech, and Physical Education. I figure with P.E. that'll make me have to work out 3 times a week for an hour each time. lol. Then maybe I can finally start working off this fucking baby fat. Gr.

Um... tonight Brad and I are going to the Royal's game. It should suck ass. I hope it rains.

Finished Fran's baby cake last night with my merr. It's the cutest baby cake I think I've ever seen.

That's it. Bye.

We Got a Puppy!

We bought a puppy.

His name is Thomas "Neo" Anderson. Get it?

He's a Siberian Husky. And a special one, because he's white instead of black & white.

Pictures and Such

So lately I've been obsessed with taking pictures, developing them, and putting them in frames. I don't know why. I just feel like I'm not capturing enough of Val's babyhood and I should be taking more pictures and such. Not to mention Brad bought this photoalbum thing yesterday that holds 900 photos. Holy shiznit. lol. Maybe I'll make that continuous pictures of Valerie growing up until she's 18. Not tell her about it, then give it to her for graduation, those being the only photos left to add.

that would be cute, but I have a feeling I'll forget about it by tomorrow.

Now... I I'm supposed to be going to hang out with Fran for a little while, but that little slut bag isn't texting me back... looks like I'm gonna have to call her and make her hang out with me. haha.

Jealous, Mad, Irritated... grrrr

So... threw a party last night and my husband's not too pleased. It sucks.

Just found out some slutty bitch I went to high school with is having twins. (I want twins.)

I need a cigarette. But I don't want a divorce.

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AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Please Don't Stop the Music

I am soooo freaking excited about my party on Friday. Like 8 people just from UCM are coming up to see me. It's going to be fucking awesome. I don't care if they're even the only ones that show up! Well, as long as my Frannie and Sheena show up as well. hehe.

Well... Val's doing well. She turned 6 months old on April 4th. I don't remember if I wrote about that or not... She's also just learned how to crawl! I might have mentioned that already... haha. Anyway... took her to her doctor's appointment the other day and the pediatrician said that she couldn't be any more perfect. And that she's extremely advanced for her age!!! Most babies don't crawl or learn to pull themselves up to a standing position until they're around 9 months old. Woohoo! Not to mention she's already started mimicking me. Like I'll go, "bahhhhh" and she'll do it back to me. She's such a good little nugget.

That's all for now, but I'll update again in a few days. Probably when Brad gets back from Wisconsin on Sunday. I miss my baby!

Don't Pull the Divorce Card!

I made Brad mad.

And I feel like a fucking bitch for it.

Yeah, it was my fault. All my fucking fault. I don't know how to keep my mouth shut. Why is this? I don't know. I don't think before I speak. I told him that he was boring, all so I could go to Melissa's. But it's not that he's boring, it's just that our thoughts of fun are very different. This is where we need to come to a center. But no. If it's not my way I'm a fucking bitch and he gets pissed at me. Ugh. Marriage is not easy kids, don't rush yourself into it unless your a very strong person. Being married has taught me patience, and even still I'm confused beyong belief. I swear, marriage is even harder than raising a kid. Seriously, Valerie is easier to take care of than keeping Brad happy. It's insane. You'd think taking care and raising a new life would be life's hardest test, but honestly, I think marriage is.

Another Dollar, Another Day. Minus the Dollar.

So... today was average. Went to my parent's house like usual. I have to pick my dad up from the airport at like midnight, so that kind of sucks. But... I love my daddy, so it'll be nice to see him. :-)

Yesterday was a BIG day for my little Valerie. She's completely crawling now. At six months!! Can you believe it?!

Fucking today I got an insane phone call from a past boyfriend. Clayton called me. Apparently he wants to hook up and shit. But I told him that I was married with a baby, but all he had to say to me was, "well tell your husband that competition's in town". Um... no. I'm not leaving my amazing husband for some nobody that I haven't talked to in 10 years. Granted, he was my first "sweetheart"... my technical first boyfriend. But that doesn't matter. He's a freak and needs to leave me alone.

Anyway... I'm down.

Living on a Prayer

Ohhh, we're halfway there...
OhhHHH, we're living on a prayer
Take my hand, we'll make it I swear
OhhHHH, we're living on a prayer

Yeah... gotta love Bon Jovi. He's one sexy 45 year old. Yeah. Definitely.

Anyway, today is April Fool's Day. I pulled one prank on Fran and Sheena. Sheena fell for it hardcore and Fran... well... I kind of just told her it was a joke. Yeah.

Well, today was fun. Woke up and Valerie had a super poopy diaper. So I cleaned her up. Then I took a shower and went shopping with my cousin Scarlett. We went to Steve & Barry's then to Plato's Closet. I bought Val 3 sleepers from S&B and nothing from Plato's. There was a super cute Coach I wanted, but I figured, why? That one's last season's style and I have the current season so it wouldn't make much sense. Then Bradley met us over at Margarita's. Scarlett and I didn't realize that it was Taco Tuesday so the wait was retarded. However, the time passed as Scarlett and I took a fashion quiz on my NEW phone.

Oh yeah. Got a new phone. It's pink. I'll post a picture, then I gotta go 'cuz the baby's crying.

It's a slider by the way: