The Moment of Truth

Tomorrow (technically today) I find out the truth about Valerie's condition. Is there something wrong with me, or something wrong with her? If it's the latter, she'll be put in the hospital for further testing. If there's something wrong with me (well, my breastmilk) then I will no longer be able to nurse my sweet baby. I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place here because I REALLY wanted to nurse Val until she was a year. But I'd much rather there be something wrong with my milk than something wrong with Val. IE: An underactive thyroid. This is extremely hard for me. I don't want anything to be wrong with my baby, but I don't want to stop nursing her either. Maybe the pediatrician and I can come to an understanding. Like I can only nurse her at night.

My god, I'm so sad right now. I don't know what to do. If I seriously have to formula feed her for the next five months I'm going to be pissed. But if there's something wrong with her, I know, I just KNOW I'm going to fall into a depression. This sucks balls.

Anyway, I'm going to watch some TV and try not to think about any of this.